“You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word:
It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be.”

Winston Churchill

“Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.”

Have Faith in Massachusetts as delivered by Calvin Coolidge to the Massachusetts State Senate, 1914.

“Australian history is almost always picturesque; indeed, it is so curious and strange, that it is itself the chiefest novelty the country has to offer, and so it pushes the other novelties into second and third place. It does not read like history, but like the most beautiful lies. And all of a fresh new sort, no mouldy old stale ones. It is full of surprises, and adventures, and incongruities, and contradictions, and incredibilities; but they are all true, they all happened.”

The Wayward Tourist by Mark Twain

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts…”

As You Like It, Act II, Scene 7, 139-42; Shakespeare

“The trouble with Socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.”

Margaret Thatcher

“I’ve turned my hand to lots of things but never stuck at them. Not that I’m lazy, just sort of restless.”

Michael RogersMaple: Endless Night

“We all know what to do, but we don’t know how to get re-elected once we have done it.”

Jean-Claude Juncker, 12th Prime Minister of Luxembourg

“We will go down in history either as the world’s greatest statesmen or its worst villains.”

Hermann Göring, 1937

“I do not dispute their right to invent social combinations, to advertise them, to advocate them, and to try them upon themselves, at their own expense and risk. But I do dispute their right to impose these plans upon us by law – by force – and to compel us to pay for them with our taxes”.

Frédéric Bastiat, The Law, 1850

“Much that passes as idealism is disguised hatred or disguised love of power.”

What Desires Are Politically Important? as delivered by Bertrand Russell, 1950.

“Today there is an increasing number [of people] who can’t see a fat man standing beside a thin one without automatically coming to the conclusion the fat one got that way by taking advantage of the thin one.”

— Speech delivered by Ronald Reagan on the 27th of October, 1964.

“Marxism never changes. You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks. [emphasis added]”

Anonymous author in the trade journal Sales Management (Chicago: Dartnell Corp., 1918-75), vol. 70 (Survey of Buying Power, 1953), p. 80.

“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.”

— ‘Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontents (1770)’ – Edmund Burke

“The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.”

Ayn Rand

“I am but too conscious of the fact that we are born in an age when only the dull are treated seriously, and I live in terror of not being misunderstood.”

— ‘The Critic as Artist (1891)’ – Oscar Wilde

“Even so, I must admire your skill.
You are so gracefully insane.”

Anne Sexton

“I’ve wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.”

— ‘Candide (1759)’ – Voltaire

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”

Anton Chekhov

”@ boys with mental illness: You are not less of a man because you have panic attacks. You are not less of a man because you have anxiety. You are not less of a man for having depression. You are not less of a man for having a mental illness. Period.”

the-real-ted-cruz

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”

Sylvia Plath

“You gotta let your man be vulnerable. Never laugh at him for sharing his feelings or shedding a tear. Let him know he’s safe and open as long as he’s with you. Be his open arms.”

taint3edcakes

“Kiss me until I forget how terrified I am of everything wrong with my life.”

difficult

“The words you speak become the house you live in.”

Hafiz

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them.”

John Green

“You are a language I am no longer fluent in but still remember how to read.”

Ashe Vernon

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.”

Good Will HuntingGus Van Sant

“The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson

“The bravest thing you could ever do is let someone hurt you and still talk beautiful about them.”

hatin

“Who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now,”

DisorderJoy Division

“Who fears the wolf should never enter the forest.”

The GamblerFyodor Dostoevsky

“The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.”

Dr Hugo Z. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) – A Day At the Races

“He is a truly complex fellow, not unlike the Michelangelos and da Vincis of the Renaissance period. He’s a supreme artist, but he is constantly filled with doubts and self-anger about his work—and that is what makes him so good. He is a perfectionist who is never sure he is attaining perfection.”

Rouben Mamoulian on Fred Astaire

“[The] truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it, ignorance may deride it, malice may distort it, but there it is.”

Winston Churchill

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Carl Gustav Jung

“After the United States gobbled up California and half of Mexico, and we were stripped down to nothing, territorial expansion suddenly becomes a crime. It’s been going on for centuries, and it will still go on.”

Hermann Göring, 11th of December 1945

Cyril: “Why me?”

Archer: “You’re good at math.”

Cyril: “How’s that supposed to help?”

Archer: “Can’t hurt.”

— S2 Ep02 A Going ConcernArcher

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

HamletThe Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Act II, scene 2; William Shakespeare

“What I remember most about [Fred] Astaire is that he came in once and bought a beautiful tweed jacket. We had done a lot of work on it, and it was just beautiful. When it was finished and he was in the fitting room in front of me, he put the jacket down on the floor and stamped all over it. And then he picked it up, shook it off, and put it on—and then he felt comfortable.”

Dick Carroll of Carroll’s in Beverly Hills

“I like people who dream or talk to themselves interminably; I like them, for they are double. They are here and elsewhere.”

Albert Camus, The Fall

“I dreamt of you last night—as if I was playing the piano and you were turning the pages for me.”

Vladimir Nabokov, in a letter to Véra Nabokov, 12 January 1924, Letters to Véra, ed. and transl. Olga Voronina and Brian Boyd (Alfred A. Knopf, 2014)

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not TakenRobert Frost

“The absence of evidence is evidence of absence–if that evidence should be there.”

Victor Stenger

“You could easily spot any Religion of Peace. It’s extremist members would be extremely peaceful.”

Ricky Gervais

“Would you approve of your young sons, young daughters - because girls can read as well as boys - reading this book? Is it a book you would have lying around your own house? Is it a book that you would even wish your wife or your servants to read?”

Mervyn Griffith-Jones’s openning address to the court in R v Penguin Books Ltd (1960).

“Isn’t it weird how fast someone can affect your life? That within a weeks difference you can go from not even knowing they exist to waiting for their text before going to bed, just so you know they’re safe when they can’t be on the phone with you? Idk man, idk. It’s crazy. Idk”

we-are-the-average-wallflowers

“Jokes about communism are only funny if you share them with everyone..”

justbadpuns

“a good artist knows where to draw the line”

lameprlncess

“For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.”

Richard Feynman

“Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.”

Winston Churchill

“What was written by pen can’t be erased by an axe.”

Russian proverb

“The sleep of reason brings forth monsters.”

Christopher Hitchens

“If we can’t come up with a good explanation, we’ll come up with a bad one rather then none at all.”

Christopher Hitchens

“These days, better to appear guilty than impotent.”

President NemerovThe Sum of All Fears

“I never knew how good our songs were until I heard Ella Fitzgerald sing them.”

Ira Gershwin

“I met my stalker, he got the wrong person but he was very nice!”

EdinaAbsolutely Fabulous

“We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

T. S. Elliot

“It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are bruised and wounded.”

— ‘Of Human Bondage (1915)’ – W. Somerset Maugham

“When the leaders choose to make themselves bidders at an auction of popularity, their talents, in the construction of the state, will be of no service. They will become flatterers instead of legislators; the instruments, not the guides, of the people.”

— ‘Reflections on the Revolution in France(1790)’ – Edmund Burke

Sir Humphrey: “What I want is irrelevant, Bernard, it’s up to you - what do you want?”
Bernard: “I want to have a clear conscience.”
Sir Humphrey: “A clear conscience?”
Bernard: “Yes!”
Sir Humphrey: “I see. And when did you acquire this taste for luxuries?”

— S2 Ep02 Official SecretsYes, Prime Minister

“Can’t be long now, Dave. Hercule has got all the suspects in one room and I’m only two pages away from ‘Also by the same author’.”

Holly – S1 Ep05 Confidence and ParanoiaRed Dwarf

“It is not, what a lawyer tells me I may do; but what humanity, reason, and justice, tell me I ought to do.”

— ‘Second Speech on Conciliation with America (1775)’ – Edmund Burke

“They’ve got a Marxist, a different kind of Marxist and a Leninist.”

@thecattery

“The Universe was created last Tuesday when God discovered gardening.”

Bill Maher

“We are going to die, but goodness what a privilege it is to understand, before we die, how we were ever born in the first place.”

Richard Dawkins (in conversation with Penn Jillette).

“Indifference to personal liberty is but the precursor of the state’s hostility to it.”

— Future Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, Anthony Kennedy.

After the uprising of the 17th of June
The Secretary of the Writers’ Union
Had leaflets distributed in the Stalinallee
Stating that the people
Had forfeited the confidence of the government
And could win it back only
By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
In that case for the government
To dissolve the people
And elect another?

The SolutionBertolt Brecht

“If you want to feel small, think of the number of atoms in the universe. If you want to feel big, think of its logarithm.”

Zero Knowledge Proofs — A PrimerJeremy Kun

‘A grateful guest says:
“Bless that host! How many wines,
portions, cakes, he brought out for me!”
An ingrate says:
“What did I have? A piece of bread,
a bit of meat, a bit of wine!”’

Ben Zorma

“When do you notice least a pin? When it is in a pincushion.”

Hercule Poirot – S4 Ep01 The ABC MurdersAgatha Christie’s Poirot

“If this Shakespeare guy gets invited to speak at my university I’m definitely going to no-platform him”

@MichaelPDeacon

“‘Cheer up’, they said, ‘things could be worse.’
So we cheered up. And sure enough, things did get worse.”

Tony Chambers

“If you ask a student today what they think about a pressing social issue, they’ll tell you how they feel about it. Thinking is no longer important – emotions are.”

Mental-health activism makes you sickCharlie Peters

“Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

— Interview with Dorothy Parker in The Paris Review in the Summer of 1956.

Frasier: “Niles and I are no strangers to the automobile. Niles, let’s have a look. I’ll pop the hood.”

Niles: “That won’t void the warranty, will it?”

— S8 Ep11 Motor SkillsFrasier

“Manners are of more importance than laws. The law can touch us here and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation like that of the air we breathe in.”

— ‘Letters On a Regicide Peace (1796)’ – Edmund Burke

“There’s a wonderful lecture series on the history of modern lecture series.”

Niles, S5 Ep10 Where Every Bloke Knows Your NameFrasier

‘The Deputy Secretary General’s speech was an artful one, arguing that, in a world where “new national security challenges basically thumb their noses at old notions of national sovereignty”, the US needs the UN. On closer inspection, what he means is that the UN needs the US - to supply money, troops, money, equipment, money, technology and money. In a complicated world, the US isn’t big enough to go it alone, but it is big enough to give everything it’s got to the UN, and in return the UN will hold meetings explaining why the US can’t go it alone or with anyone else…’

Farewell 2006 part twoMark Steyn

“Honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise in the House of Commons.”

Jim Hacker – S2 Ep08 The Tangled WebYes, Prime Minister

Sybil Fawlty: “Ah, well, you’re only single once.”

Basil Fawlty: “Twice can be arranged.”

— S2 Ep02 The PsychiatristFawlty Towers

“I would rather cry in a BMW than smile on a bicycle.”

Ma NuoIf You Are the One

“It’s just a silly thought, really, but I thought perhaps after you’ve settled in and you’re feeling up to it, we could pop up to the projection room and I could talk you through my photo collection of twentieth-century telegraph poles.”

Arnold J. Rimmer – S4 Ep01 Camille - Red Dwarf

Bernard Woodley: “Well, he’s keen on it.”

Sir Humphrey: “What’s that got to do with it? Things don’t happen just because Prime Ministers are very keen on them! Neville Chamberlain was very keen on peace.”

— S1 Ep02 The Ministerial BroadcastYes, Prime Minister

“Glass, China, and Reputation, are easily cracked, and never well mended.”

Benjamin Franklin

Rimmer: “Step up to Red Alert.”

Kryten: “Are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.”

– S6 Ep02 LegionRed Dwarf

“Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.”

Austin O’Malley

“It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the publick to be the most anxious for its welfare.”

— ‘Observations on a Late Publication on the Present State of the Nation(1769)’ – Edmund Burke

‘“Pub.” Ah, yes, a meeting place where people attempt to achieve advanced states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks.’

Kryten – S3 Ep05 TimeslidesRed Dwarf

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’”

— From the poem ‘Maud Muller’ by John Greenleaf Whittier.

“When RC4 is the solution, you need a better problem”

Unkown

“If god had wanted us to take better selfies, he would have given us longer arms.”

Celia Pacquola on ‘selfie sticks’

“If we are to maintain our position as a first rate power… we must… be prepared for attacks and wars, somwhere or other, CONTINUALLY.”

Queen Victoria in a letter to Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli in July 1879.

“I’d like to answer this question if I may in two ways. Firstly in my normal voice and then in a kind of silly high-pitched whine…”

Minister for Home Affairs – S2 Ep01 Dinsdale!Monty Python’s Flying Circus

“I agree. If there were fewer robbers there wouldn’t be so many of them, numerically speaking.”

Chartered Accountant – S1 Ep06 It’s the ArtsMonty Python’s Flying Circus

“Who cares what you say? You’re a dog. You can’t see colors…which means you can’t see colors of the American flag. Commie!”

Stewie – S4 Ep24 PeteroticaFamily Guy

“Socialism, like the ancient ideas from which it springs, confuses the distinction between government and society. As a result of this, every time we object to a thing being done by government, the socialists conclude that we object to its being done at all.

We disapprove of state education. Then the socialists say that we are opposed to any education. We object to a state religion. Then the socialists say that we want no religion at all. We object to a state-enforced equality. Then they say that we are against equality. And so on, and so on. It is as if the socialists were to accuse us of not wanting persons to eat because we do not want the state to raise grain.”

Frédéric Bastiat, The Law, 1850

“I’ll just make the point if stimulus spending money in the form that they talk about is such a great strategy, Greece should have the highest growth rate in the world. They’ve spent more than anyone.”

Michael Costa, Former NSW Labor Treasurer – The Bolt Report, Sunday 14th of June 2015

“If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”

Ron SwansonParks and Recreation

“If you are hungry for more food after you finish eating your meat, then grill more meat. Do not resort to vegetables.”

Ron SwansonThings You Need To GrillRon Swanson’s Grilling Webpage

“Capitalism is what makes America great, and England ok, and France terrible.”

Ron Swanson – S5 Ep15 BailoutParks and Recreation

“You left when I told you I was curious, I never said that I was brave.”

So Long, MarianneLeonard Cohen

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

BatmanThe Dark Knight

“4 Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools,
    or you will become as foolish as they are.

5 Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools,
    or they will become wise in their own estimation.”

— Proverbs 26:4-5 New Living Translation (NLT)

“Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, our producer says yes.”

Tricia Takanawa – S3 Ep04 One If by Clam, Two If by SeaFamily Guy

“I’d like to apologize for yesterday when I assigned you lab partners. It has come to my attention that this is an English class.”

Teacher – S9 Ep17 Foreign AffairsFamily Guy

“Guys, guys! Stop fighting, come on. Come on. Do you want your kid to come out a lawyer?”

Michael Scott (to pregnant Pam) – S6 Ep17 The DeliveryThe Office

Niles: “Oh, I wish you’d said Saturday.”

Frasier: “Why? Do you have plans Friday?”

Niles: “No, I have plans Saturday.”

— S1 Ep13 Guess Who’s Coming To Breakfast?Frasier

“I really have to go. I’m conducting a seminar on multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.”

Niles – S1 Ep10 Oops - Fraiser

“She exhausts easily under the pressure of being interesting.”

Niles – S1 Ep06 The CrucibleFraiser

Niles: “I thought you liked my Maris!”

Frasier: “I do. I… I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun. Except without the warmth.”

— S1 Ep01 (pilot) The Good SonFrasier

“I don’t have a photograph. I’d give you my footprints, but they’re upstairs in my socks.”

Groucho Marx

“Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.”

Frasier – S1 Ep01 (pilot) The Good SonFrasier

Ryan Stiles: “That’s a big word for a Canadian.”

Colin Mochrie: “If you want next time I’ll make it slower.”

— S6 Ep09 Whose Line is it Anyway?

“Welcome to the six o’clock news, I’m your anchor Earl from Ipanema.”

Colin Mochrie (as News Anchor) – S6 Ep02 Whose Line is it Anyway?

“Fun toys are fun!”

Ralph – S11 Ep09 Grift of the MagiThe Simpsons

Heckler: “I wouldn’t vote for you if you were the Archangel Gabriel.”

Sir Robert Menzies: “If I we’re the Archangel Gabriel, I’m afraid you wouldn’t be in my constituency.”

— at Williamstown, Victoria, 1954.

“My husband, in common with a lot of people of his age, is fifty.”

E. B. Debenham (Mrs) – S1 Ep05 Man’s Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the 20th CenturyMonty Python’s Flying Circus

“¿Por qué no te callas?” (English: “Why don’t you shut up?”)

King Juan Carlos I of Spain to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, 2007.

“I would make them all learn English: and then I would let the clever ones learn Latin as an honour, and Greek as a treat.”

Roving Commission: My Early Life by Sir Winston Churchill, 1930.

“You notice how clean the floor is? It’s because you all suck.”

Colin Mochrie (as Director) – S5 Ep30 Whose Line is it Anyway?

“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.”

George Santayana

“Crap’s agent called and he wants to represent you all.”

Colin Mochrie (as Director) – Whose Line is it Anyway?

“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!”

Groucho Marx

“Pardon me, sorry! Always I am mistaken for Professor Einstein.”

Albert Einstein

“I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.”

Groucho Marx

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Groucho Marx

“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.”

Groucho Marx

“Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”

Groucho Marx

‘My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, “If you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.” He said, “All right. You’re ugly too!”’

Rodney Dangerfield

“Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? the show where everything’s made and up and the points don’t matter. That’s right the points are just like Memphis without Graceland.”

Drew Carey – S5 Ep11 Whose Line is it Anyway?

Colin Mochrie (as News Reporter): “Woah. Did you see that?”

Ryan Stiles (as News Anchor): “Yeah we all did, yes.”

Jeff Davis (as News Anchor): “Colin.”

Colin: “Yes.”

Jeff: “Colin, why didn’t you help? Why did you just stand there? Why aren’t you doing something?”

Colin: “Because as a reporter I have to be objective.”

— S5 Ep12 Whose Line is it Anyway?

Elaine: “I still don’t see what the big deal is.”

Kramer: “A rule is a rule. And let’s face it. Without rules there’s chaos.”

— S6 Ep02 The Big SaladSeinfeld

Wayne Brady: “Thank you so much for saving my husband.”

Ryan Stiles: “Your husband? You’re married?”

Colin Mochrie: “It’s nothing permanent.”

— S5 Ep06 Whose Line Is It Anyway?

“Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? the show where everything’s made and up and the points don’t matter. That’s right if the points were on Scooby Doo they’d be Velma.”

Drew Carey – S5 Ep06 Whose Line Is It Anyway?

“I spent an interesting evening recently with a grain of salt.”

Mark V Shaney

“It’s all supervised!”

Cosmo Kramer – S1 Ep4 Male UnbondingSeinfeld

“And the Oscar for best supporting hypocrite goes to…”

Unkown

“The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones.”

AntonyJulius Caesar, William Shakespeare

“Death Blow: When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether.”

Cosmo Kramer – S8 Ep4 The Little KicksSeinfeld

“My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”

George Costanza – S5 Ep22 The OppositeSeinfeld

Joel: “So, thanks again for those tickets. But next week, I’m going to take you. How about next Tuesday night? And why don’t you come along?”

Elaine: “Oh, no no. Tuesday’s uh no good becasue we’ve got choir practice.”

Jerry: “Right. I forgot about choir.”

Elaine: “We-We’re doing that evening of Eastern European National Anthems.”

Jerry: “Right. You know, the Wall being down and everything.”

— S1 Ep4 Male UnbondingSeinfeld

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Alcoholics Anonymous

“Rick, suicide may be a great hobby, but I wouldn’t do it for a living!”

Mike – S1 Ep04 BombThe Young Ones

“FACT OF THE DAY: mars is called the red planet because during the cold war it sided with the communists”

officialunitedstates

“If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.”

Isaac Asimov

George: “It’s supposed to be a good party.”

Jerry: “What does that mean? Good dip?”

— S3 Ep10 The StrandedSeinfeld

Meg: “Oh my God, I’m missing the news!”

Peter: “We all miss the news, but Huey Lewis needs time to create and we all have to learn to be patient.”

— S3 Ep08 The Kiss Seen Around the WorldFamily Guy

Jerry: “So, Kramer, what are you gonna do?”

Kramer: “Do? Do? Hey, I’m doing what I do. You know, I’ve always done what I do. I’m doing what I do. The way I’ve always done it, and the way I’ll always do it.”

— S4 Ep02 The TripSeinfeld

“There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.”

Nigel PowersAustin Powers in Goldmember

“Stepped on something soft and wobbly. Struck a match, found it was a dead Chinaman.”

Sir George Scott

The Doctor: “It’s not my fault. I got distracted.”

Clara: “By what?”

The Doctor: “You can always find something.”

— S8 Ep02 Into the DalekDoctor Who

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

— “The Hollow Men” (1925) – T. S. Eliot

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

Groucho Marx

“When it comes time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”

Henry David Thoreau

“The Devil, Mr Douglas, I’ve found is nothing more than a tiresome collection of genes[.]”

Dr. MoreauThe Island of Doctor Moreau

“Death is nothing to us. When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain. The fear of death arises from the belief that in death, there is awareness.”

Epicurus

Don’t ask me to bleed about it / I need this blood to survive

Simon LeBon bravely takes a stand against the use of leeches for medical purposes, about a century too late.

Awesomely Bad Lyrics: Duran Duran – “Notorious”

“Listen, don’t mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.”

Basil Fawlty – S1 Ep06 The GermansFawlty Towers

[Basil in hospital, having suffered a concussion, regain consciousness]

Basil Fawlty: [to nurse, a little groggily] “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you?”

Sybil Fawlty: “Basil?”

Sister: “I’ll… I’ll get the doctor.”

Basil Fawlty: “You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.”

— S1 Ep06 The GermansFawlty Towers

Basil Fawlty: “Is there something wrong?”

German Guest: “Will you stop talking about the war?”

Basil Fawlty: “Me? You started it.”

German Guest: “We did not!”

Basil Fawlty: “Yes, you did. You invaded Poland.”

— S1 Ep06 The GermansFawlty Towers

‘My mom forgot what feathers were called so she said “bird leaf”’

ohmymckirk

“I have been and always shall be your friend.”

SpockStar Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Jerry: “So they have hotdogs there.”

Elaine: “Oh, movie hotdogs! I rather lick the food off the floor.”

— S2 Ep06 The Chinese RestaurantSeinfeld

Dr. John Becker: “I like people.”

Margaret Wyborn: “No, you don’t.”

Dr. John Becker: “I’m trying to like people. It’s just, you know, so hard to weed through the stupid ones.”

— S1 Ep06 Man Plans, God LaughsBecker

Dr. John Becker: “What’s wrong?”

Mrs Forrester: “I’m dying.”

Dr. John Becker: “We’re all dying.”

Mrs Forrester: “Yeah, but I’m dying next Tuesday.”

— S1 Ep06 Man Plans, God LaughsBecker

Bob: “Wanna hang?”

Dr. John Becker: “You hang and I’ll kick out the chair.”

— S2 Ep24 Panic on the 86thBecker

“When I was a boy, I was told anybody could become president. I’m beginning to believe it.”

Clarence Darrow

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”

Dan Quayle

“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”

Dan Quayle

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas”

Keppel Enderbery

“A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.”

Albert Einstein

“Every once in a while, declare peace…it confuses the hell out of your enemies.”

— Rule 76, Ferengi Rules of Acquisition – Star Trek

“Not even cats like cat people.”

@thomasward

“It’s not a bug; it’s an undocumented feature!”

Unkown

“What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?”

“One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.”

Unkown

“You wouldn’t shoot a ghost with a real gun, you’d shoot a ghost with a ghost gun.”

— Lord Commander of the Earth Protectorate, Thor Templar; Alien Resistance Movement North American Sector – S1 Ep02 UFOsLouis Theroux’s Weird Weekends

“cold chisel is a better substitute for people”

Hamish Pratt

“Is this an instrument of communication or torture?”

Dowager Countess – Downton Abey

“For this reason, it is recommended not to feed eggnog to dogs.”

Nutmeg, Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

Terry Pratchett

“Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

Benjamin Franklin

“The man who can’t make a mistake can’t make anything.”

Abraham Lincoln

“What’s up, Doc?”

“‘Up’ is a relative concept. It has no intrinsic value.”

Unkown

“You know the garden’s full of furniture, the house is full of plants”

Beautiful PeopleAustralian Crawl

Hacker: “Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: the Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by people who actually do run the country; the Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.”

Sir Humphrey: “Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?”

Bernard: “Sun readers don’t care who runs the country, as long as she’s got big tits.”

— S2 Ep04 A Conflict of InterestYes, Prime Minister

“The quick black AVR jumped over the lazy PIC.”

jesper

“You’ll have to pardon us. We’re Americans. We don’t understand English.”

Ethel – S5 Ep15 Lucy Meets the QueenI Love Lucy

“The problem with a UDP joke is that you have no idea if people got it.”

@pt